The Two Faces of God
(aka Becoming a walking prayer)
A few days ago, I wrote a prayer on my IG stories in response to another heart-wrenching image of children under rubble in Gz^.
The prayer was a pretty standard plea to God: “Help us understand your process, why?!?!”
In response, a wise man (aka Amir Khaligi) responded in my DMs.
“Humans do this, not God. God’s heart is breaking like ours”.
Amidst all the DMs, this one had me really pause.
It struck a chord….
And reminded me of my deepest work in this lifetime
(hint: It’s with God)
You see…
A few years ago, it became really clear that I have an incoherence in my system.
Turns out I believe in TWO gods:
The Old Man in the Sky who I tried to be a good “spiritual little girl” for,
The Patriarch who I played out all my daddy issues with,
And the authority figure in the sky who I often shook my fist at when things weren’t clear or going my way.
And then there is the other God…
The one no one taught me about but that I discovered through a felt sense in my own body.
The Frequency of Love.
The Great Mother.
The Heart Center.
When I first realized this divide in my system, I was so struck by how opposite these two Gods were.
I interacted with both as though both were real.
I knew deep in my soul that the Patriarch was an outward projection. A way in which I was giving away my power to an image outside of me.
I knew cognitively that this made NO fucking sense.
And yet, here I am still doing it.
So last night, I was up thinking about this. And the state of the world….
Why do I keep coming back to asking the man in the sky for things?
When it’s all in me?
At a time when both global events and circumstances in my personal life are confusing as hell and make absolutely no sense,
it’s easy and habitual for me to lean back into asking for clarity for something outside of me.
So last night, as I was tossing and turning in bed, I was reminded - again - that the only way to get clarity - is to connect with the other God…
Love.
And love isn’t an image or entity outside of me.
It is a state of being.
We can choose to embody love and therefore to experience God.
(Inside, outside, it doesn’t really matter at that point.)
I continue to take the medicine of de-conditioning myself from the program of “Sky Daddy”…
Or whatever people like to call the image outside of us…
(that is essentially just a trash can for all our angst and projections)
And to sink back into breath, aliveness and my heart beat where I can feel (not see or talk to) God.
Where I can embody a state of being that makes my world and “the world” a better place.
Instead of praying to something outside of me.
I become a walking prayer.
—
P.S. I’ve had Amir on my podcast, The Edge, and it was a fantastic conversation. Check it out here.
Love this Nadia ❤️